My Boat Isn't Pretty

*ORIGINALLY POSTED AUGUST 9TH*

But it's functional and that's all I care about.

Sometimes cracking open a bible is hard for me.

Actually, let me rephrase that.

Nearly all the time cracking open a bible is hard for me.

I'm not really sure why. Maybe because I think i'm above it. Maybe because I'm lazy. Or maybe I'm just scared of what I'll learn.

I've always had problems applying the harder aspects of christianity in my life. Like standing up for what I know is right. Like doing the truely right thing and not just the thing that the world will think is right. Like actually catching a fire and actually keeping it burning.

I'm lukewarm. And I have such a problem with staying hot. I want to...it's not because I don't want to. I just don't want it enough I suppose. But I do want it. There is a side of me that longs to have the relationship that I once had with God before I became filled with bitterness towads my brother.

(It may be hard to believe, but I used to have no real opinion on the matter. It was just normal.)

And I've always faded because I've never taken an initiative and read the Word becuase i've always thought I knew it all. And so little by little the resolve that I had held the week previous began to slip away and I fell back into my black moods and everything in my life felt so wonky. And I know, I knew, and I've known is was for the very reason I didn't study the Bible and I never worried about it.

I'm not saying that from here on out i'm going to read the bible every single day and that i'm going to always get a life changing lesson from it and in a week i'ma be set. Because I know that is silly and will never happen. I know that there will be a lot of times when i'll prolly forget completly to read and I know that there will be a lot of times when i'm not going to get the full idea of what God is trying to convey and that i'm going to be utterly confused sometimes.

I know i'm going to fail, and I know it's going suck sometimes, but I also know that I need to push myself from now on.

Revelation 3:16 So, because you are lukewarm-neither hot nor cold-I am about to spit you out of my mouth.