Holidays are an option for a reason

A couple days ago our band director Mr. Loft announced that he would not be returning next year as the director of bands. It's hard to really imagine band without him...he's so charismatic and what not, and he pulls us all together even when we think we totally suck, he manages to kick us in the butt and we get it done.

When I initially found out I was sad, I still am sad, but I know that he's leaving for good reasons. He lives an hour or so away from the school and he has an eight year old son who needs is dad. I understand that completly. But it's still...hard to think about next year and what it might be like without him.

At first I envisioned it as bleak and desolate because god only knows what kind of director we could get next year. I thought they would completly suck. And i've been carrying around that mentality the last couple days. But yesterday I had a lesson with my tuba teacher, Mr. Gray, and he just really kinda smacked me into shape without even knowing it. He was so excited that I got into Wind Ensemble and that next year was going to be awesome. He knew that Loft was leaving, but he knew that just because he was gone it would be okay.

The band is not about the Director or the one who leads. it's about the music. And yeah, we'll miss him a lot. a lot a lot. But we'll still be making music, And we will still be an awesome band. I don't think any of the current musicians at our school would have it any other way.

"It ain't easy to be good. If it were everybody would be great and they're not." -Andrew Loft

Where have you been?

You know those states of mind when you feel like if only given a chance you could conquere the world with something that you created? That your words could possibly define a single person or even a single moment?

And those unwritten words are just pressing at your heart begging to be let out but you simply can't let them go.

Maybe your afraid to put them down because you don't want to taint the feeling with something that doesn't quite measure up. Or you simply can't put them down because it isn't meant to be put down. It's like an acid burning you up inside but you just can't get it out quite right.

I always find those moments of creative crisis to be the most frustrating. hm. I always said that I don't believe in writers block; that it was just an excuse for not continuing a story or whathave you.

But when I have those times when I feel like what I have to say could potentially be the most beautiful thing ever written but I can't actually say it it's so disheartening. And i'm ashamed to even call myself a writer.

And I actually happen to be going through one of those little "episodes" right now. It usually occurs when i'm sitting in my dimly lit bedroom late at night (if a little past 10 o'clock could even be considered as late at night) while listening to thought provoking music that makes me envy the song writer.

The song i'm listening to on repeat right now for instance is called "Where have you been?" by Manchester Orchestra. and it's a beautiful song. But it doesn't really make a whole lot of sense. My favourite lyric is "And when you look at me/I'll be digesting your legs"

Not a lick of sense. But it's my favorite part of the song, you know why? Because I spend hours (exaggeration, but still) thinking about the song and I try to figure out what it means. What the ultimate message the band is trying to convey to the audience. But I don't think it is suppossed to mean anything...but still. I want to know.

And it makes me laugh, beacuse a lot of the time we all over think things. We are so convinced or trained or whatever to believe that everything means something. That every abstract thought is some reflection of our subconscious psyche. Or that Mona Lisa is smileing at something. If only we knew what it was. Or even that this certain tree represents a mothers withering love for blueberries or something equally absurd.

We all are always trying to disect things. And all we ever do is muck things up with all the red tape and suppositions.

sigh. It's rather hard being human ain't it?

The Secret Life of Daydreams

My "bosom friend" Kori, seems to think that us managing our own joint blogs is some kind of competition. She has two posts already, I only one.

Well, she has had her blog longer than mine, so poo on her.

But anywho.

I'm Elizabeth, and i'm currently watching this wierd fanfiction-esque rip off of Pride & Prejudice. It's called "Lost in Austen" and this modern English chick is living her life, just kind of boppin' along (she's obsessed with the book Pride and Prejudice) and somehow Elizabeth Bennet ends up in her bathroom through some kind of portal door thing. And sooooo, Elizabeth tricks Amanda (the English chick) into going into Austens' world, and she stay in Amanda's world.

It's really really funny...because Amanda convinced Mr. Bingly that she is "persuaded by women" rather than men and of course some of the things that Amanda says is just laugh riot in general.

But I digress!

I've never had a blog before. Nor do I really know what i'm supposed to be...blogging about. I don't want to bore you...that is assuming that anybody is even going to read this besides Kori. Probably not. But even so, i'm not sure what I should be saying. And I don't want to ramble, though i'm already on a nice tangent. so i'll stop and talk about something constructive-ish.

I can't seem to think of anything.

Whatever shall I do?